i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
