I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
