I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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