dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
