I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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