just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
