I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
please don't ironically join a cult
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