You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
