There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
