Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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