she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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