Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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