he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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