I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
