It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
