my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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