Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
