the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
