I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
