Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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