Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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