Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
