thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
