After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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