I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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