I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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