Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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