Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
