she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
