So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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