Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
