hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
