I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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