Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
