Screwed.edu
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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