i don't like sucking hair
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
