His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
