her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
