i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
