I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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