can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize