The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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