I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
