Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize