I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
