I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
