Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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