i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
