Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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