Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
