Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
