he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
