you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
