I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
