Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
