so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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