Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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