operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
