It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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