I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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