you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
