So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
