i wish my penis had a tongue
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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