Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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