Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
