dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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