Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
