literally had 100 drinks last night.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well you can't waste a boner
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
