Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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