Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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