How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
